“Shame is a soul eating emotion.” Carl Jung 

“Shame: to name it is to tame it.” Dan Siegel

“Shame dies when the stories are told in safe places.” Brené Brown

“The antidote to shame is empathy.” Brené Brown

Shame is a chronic emotional experience that stems from the perception of being flawed or inadequate, leading to feelings of unworthiness and fear of rejection. Unlike guilt, which focuses on specific actions, shame attacks our sense of self, making us feel isolated and unlovable. It often arises from early life experiences and societal pressures, creating a cycle of avoidance and disconnection. Addressing shame involves acknowledging its presence, expressing our feelings, and cultivating self-compassion, vulnerability, and supportive relationships to foster healing and personal growth.

A comprehensive strategy for identifying and healing from shame, incorporating insights from Brené Brown, Patricia A. DeYoung, and John Bradshaw:

1. Acknowledge and Identify Shame: Recognise when you are feeling shame and pinpoint the triggers or sources of these feelings.

2. Differentiate Between Shame and Guilt: Understand the difference between shame (feeling like you are bad) and guilt (feeling like you did something bad) to frame your emotions accurately.

3. Express Your Feelings: Share your experiences and feelings of shame with trusted individuals or through writing, allowing for emotional release.

4. Cultivate Self-Compassion: Practice kindness and understanding towards yourself, recognising that everyone makes mistakes and deserves forgiveness.

5. Challenge Negative Beliefs: Confront and question the negative beliefs and messages that contribute to your feelings of shame.

6. Build Healthy Relationships: Surround yourself with supportive and empathetic people who foster connection and understanding.

7. Develop Emotional Regulation Skills: Learn to manage your emotions effectively, responding to shame in healthier ways instead of avoiding or suppressing it.

8. Engage in Cognitive Restructuring: Use cognitive techniques to reframe negative thoughts associated with shame into more positive or realistic perspectives.

9. Embrace Vulnerability: Understand that vulnerability is a strength and is essential for genuine connection and personal growth.

10. Focus on Personal Growth: Engage in activities that promote self-improvement, such as therapy, self-reflection, and mindfulness practices, to enhance resilience and healing.

11. Establish Healthy Boundaries: Learn to set boundaries with others to protect yourself from further shame and negative influences.

12. Practice Empathy: Foster empathy towards others and yourself, recognising that sharing experiences can diminish feelings of shame.

13. Heal Through Storytelling: Share your story in safe environments to help reclaim your narrative and lessen the shame’s hold.

Use this as a roadmap for recognising, addressing, and healing from shame, leading to greater self-acceptance and emotional well-being.